Have you ever come near to rock bottom in your life?
It has been super tough lately. I vacillate between wanting to disappear to feelings of guilt to wanting to help to wanting to hide.
My father-in-law has been living with us for quite a while now and at the moment is unable to get anywhere without help, his legs are not working properly. He is due for another big surgery date this coming Tuesday.
While he is in the hospital I will be relieved of "house arrest" at least for a couple of days.
At the moment I am unclear of my feelings and emotions. It would probably be easier if he were my dad and I felt some closeness to him. I feel compassion for him but it is tough getting over the invasion of my space and time.
My father went very quickly and what is happening here and now is the one thing he would try to avoid at any cost. It broke my heart when he died and if it was him in that bed I would feel so different.
So what does this make me? I am not sure, just lost.
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